Acceptance Granted

Desperately seeking acceptance and approval from others has been an unquenchable force throughout my life. Like dry, parched land, I longed to be watered by words of affirmation to quench my thirsty soul. And yet, never satisfied, this addiction always begged for more. Compliments lifted me only momentarily, sliding off me like melting butter on a hot skillet. I didn’t believe them. My heart ached to hear that I was beautiful, intelligent, loved, and accepted, replacing the lies that I wasn’t good enough. Little did I know that my true value and identity would be made known to me from an unexpected source.

Anger, criticisms, volatile arguments, and physical punishment flooded my childhood home. Although my parents argued with each other often, their hostility seemed to be directed at me most of the time. Doing my best in school subjects was never enough to reach their invisible standard. As a result, report card days were especially full of tension. The enemy of my soul whispered many lies to me, and my experiences told me they must be true. I often thought, “There is something wrong with me,“ and “I am stupid, fat, unwanted, and ugly,” as feelings of loneliness, powerlessness, and despair silently crept into my heart. “I will just have to try to hide from my parents as much as possible,” I reasoned, “then I can move away and live a peaceful life.” My life goals were short-sighted.

I enrolled in nursing school because they offered free accommodation and training. But, a new kind of fear met me there with the challenges of caring for vulnerable adults. The lies I believed continued to haunt me. “You are not capable.” Being very shy, I went through the motions and did what I was told, feeling much like a robot. Early into my second year, I was surprised to learn that the school was closing. Uncertain about pursuing this career, I decided that getting married would solve my problems. I just wanted someone to take care of me as I felt incapable on my own. It seemed I was hopping from one piece of ground to another, looking for a safe place to dwell. But it turns out that my “ground” was not solid nor safe. It was like pieces of ice melting beneath me. A very lonely life greeted me as I entered into marriage. Unlike my childhood home, the new atmosphere was very silent. My husband barely spoke to me. Rejection in a different form reared its ugly head again. This began a twenty-seven-year journey of searching for answers about how I could change into a loveable person.

My husband and I had a baby daughter, which added to my insecurities. The reality was that I felt unequipped to be a mother. And my daughter seemed to cry endlessly with her colic pain. “Failed again,” I believed. Still striving and despite my fear of failing, I applied for a local nursing program two years later, reasoning, “My daughter will be much better off with good, kind women at her daycare.”

After a year in my second round of nursing school, I was shocked to learn that I had earned the scholastic achievement award. Not for a moment did I accept the possibility that I might be capable of earning this prestigious recognition! Instead, I believed that it was just luck and that I was good at memorizing facts. Upon completing my second year, I was honoured again with two awards for highest marks and general proficiency. And still, I didn’t believe that I was intelligent. Meanwhile, not a word of praise came from my husband’s lips as I looked to him to tell me if I deserved to celebrate my accomplishments. And so, I continued to believe that I had fooled them all and would need to keep up the charade in my career.

For the next four decades, I worked in my nursing profession riddled with constant fear and feelings of inadequacy. Although the nursing school had blessed me with awards for book knowledge, the training and experience I received were sadly lacking. I was hired to work on the maternity ward, which seemed like a cruel joke as I believed I had seriously failed in the mother-baby department. Asking for help and explaining my lack of skills to other nurses was only met with remarks such as, “Oh, you just have the new grad jitters!” My anxiety went through the roof each time the elevator doors opened to bring a labouring woman into my care. Before this position, I had only watched one birth and had a baby myself. That was it! Suddenly, I had up to seven labouring women to manage.

After a year, I transferred to the newborn baby nursery. I assumed this department would be much easier, but it came with its own challenges. Years later, I learned that I hadn’t valued my gift of compassion for people nor recognized that knowledge and skill grow with years of practice. Still, teaching new mothers what I hadn’t known as a mother became my passion as my confidence grew with experience. Additionally, I found myself watching a couple of nurses who seemed so full of joy and peace, no matter what was happening. Oh, how I longed to find out their secret.

One day, after moving into a new neighbourhood, a lady from across the street invited me to a Bible study. I was intrigued and found the information fascinating. I had never learned about Jesus or thought about God, even though I cried out to Him when I was in trouble. Then one weekend, I gave my life to Jesus at a “Life in The Spirit Seminar,” still not understanding what He paid for by dying on the cross for me. However, I did see those two nurses there, leading me to sign up for this group so I could receive that peace and joy. That was forty-seven years ago, and what a journey it has been!

One of the most important things I learned on my journey is that I am saved by God’s grace alone.

Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV) says, For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so no one can boast. I would have loved to have known and understood that verse right from the start. Instead, I spent many long years trying to be a good Christian in my own strength. I didn’t understand the scripture, My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9a NLT) I believed that I could read the Word of God and fulfill my needs by doing what it said using just my willpower.

Failing to be obedient consistently led me to frustration and more condemnation. I eventually learned I needed the Holy Spirit to fill me. He would be my Guide and Helper. Surrendering to Him and welcoming Him to be in control would be the key to my obedience. As I grew to know my Heavenly Father and His unconditional love for me better, my trust in Him also grew.

Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV) says, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. I began understanding the necessity of being filled with His presence and living a surrendered life. I longed for a relationship with God. Knowing relationships don’t become intimate quickly, I spent much of my spare time reading, praying, worshipping, and listening to messages about God. I knew my mind and thinking needed to align with the Word of God.

Another important thing I learned is that our God is a loving Father, not a harsh taskmaster.

I finally renounced the lie set in my heart by my earthly dad’s example of fatherhood. I began seeing myself not only as God’s servant but as His beloved daughter. Inserting the word “daughters” where it says “sons” gave me a more personalized meaning to the scripture Galatians 3:26 (NKJV), which says, For you are all sons [daughters] of God through faith in Christ Jesus, and Galatians 4:7 (NKJV), Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son [daughter], and if a  son [daughter], then an heir of God through Christ.

Out of that unconditional loving relationship, I now serve my Heavenly Father, knowing my true identity is not dependent on my performance. I never have to earn it. This revelation is almost too wonderful for words. Our culture teaches us that we are rewarded for doing well and drives us to perform and compete with others. But that isn’t the Kingdom of God. Religious legalism tells us that we need to do well to succeed and avoid punishment. But, on the cross, Jesus took the punishment we deserve for our sins. This revelation of my redemption took me thirty-eight years to fully comprehend. Along the way, God gave me the perseverance to continue to seek Him and understand what He requires of me. I am so very grateful that He planted me in a wonderful church during those years. Speakers from places all over the world came to bring us anointed messages. Worship was glorious as we sang songs like “I Surrender All,” even though I didn’t realize the impact of the words. God doesn’t want us to do it all and lose our peace. He is not like my earthly father in that way. God is loving and kind. I needed to release my control and allow God to take over, fully led and dependent on the Holy Spirit, the source of my strength.

As I served in many areas of my church, I was temporarily satisfied by my delight in being needed. But adding these duties to my already full life of working stressful twelve-hour shifts and being a wife and mother to two health-challenged daughters took a toll on me. Eventually, I burned out and got sick with cancer. I didn’t know much about being led by Holy Spirit or depending on Him or that motives for service based on the desire to be accepted don’t produce good lasting fruit. But one day, God would receive the glory as He changed my motives from wanting praise for myself to desiring to bless Him because I loved Him.

The third thing I learned is that, as a Christian, the most important words I can listen to come from God.

The harsh, critical words spoken angrily by my parents and the silence of my husband were unhealthy ways to define myself. Depending on others’ feedback stole my power to be who God called me to be. People-pleasing led to an endless pit of disappointment and despair. Self-analyzing became a habitual form of self-judgment. And I found that even as I read the Word of God, I beat myself up for not reaching the standard of perfection I wrongly thought God required.

Although the enemy worked to deceive me, the Holy Spirit took over and taught me truth. Scriptures like Matthew 5:48 (NKJV), which says, Therefore, you shall be perfect just as your Father in heaven is perfect, once caused me to feel hopeless, believing that it was all up to me to earn God’s love and favour. But the Holy Spirit led me to read and understand other translations. He taught me through study that the meaning of the English word “perfect” originally meant “mature, complete, and set apart,” not “without sin.” This makes sense because Jesus is the only one without sin, so He was the only one who could pay for our sins by dying on the cross.

God’s Word taught me that I am set free from the penalty or punishment of my sins because Jesus paid for them all in full. 2 Corinthians 5:21 (NIV) says, God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. What a Saviour and Redeemer! As we accept His sacrifice, He forgives us and sets us free from striving and performing for love and acceptance. Philippians 1:6 (NKJV) says, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.

Further, God is committed to using my life circumstances to mold me into His likeness and image. Isaiah 64:8 (NIV) says, Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, You are the potter; we are all the work of Your hand. He uses the trials and challenges we face to develop the fruit of the Spirit in us.

And God’s Word taught me to rejoice in Him, enabling me to stand against the enemy. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10 NKJV) My joy now comes from knowing that I am God’s unconditionally loved daughter. When He looks at me, He doesn’t see my sin but Jesus’ robe of righteousness. My sin, which once separated me from knowing the Lord as a Good Papa, is no more.

It has been a long road, but recognizing God’s unconditional love and acceptance has allowed me to forgive my earthly dad and my husband for hurting me. Although my marriage ended, God had a new life of faith for me. And this ground was solid. My dependence on God grew as He healed my broken heart, provided all I needed, and continually coached me through my fears. Shortly after my divorce, I bought a new Bible and asked Holy Spirit to give me a new life verse. I opened to Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV) For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. He is SO good. Yielding to Him daily is a conscious choice I make as I welcome Jesus to take His place on the throne of my heart. Only God can meet my need for love.

My heavenly Father has set me free, and spiritual growth has become my passion, opening the door to His peace. Romans 8:1 (NKJV) says, There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. I don’t stand before God alone, but I am in Christ Jesus, clothed with His righteousness without condemnation. What freedom!

Every day, I feed on the truths of God by reading, praying, and declaring His Word. This practice renews my mind and grows my faith in Him. Scriptures come tumbling from my lips as I pray for others. Having laid the foundation of God’s promises, we then stand on them and call for them to be fulfilled in our lives. The Holy Spirit has opened many doors for me to be in leadership and teaching positions where I can share all He has shown me. Feeling like I have found a priceless gold mine, I can hardly wait to tell others. He has blessed me with an inner healing prayer ministry where I lead believers in forgiveness, renouncing lies, and declaring truths. It thrills me to give others the same keys to freedom I have received.

Having surrendered my need to gain affirmations from others, I know I have my Heavenly Father’s approval as He fills me to overflowing with His love and purpose for my life. I no longer feel like I am hopping from one piece of ground to another because Christ is my solid rock. My true identity and value are clear to me.

God promises He will never leave us or forsake us, no matter what. We can be assured of His unconditional love and commitment to meet our every need as we fully surrender to Him. I often think of the iced tea commercial on TV that shows a person falling backward into a swimming pool. I imagine myself falling back into His loving arms. Trusting Him with full surrender takes faith as we learn that His ways are much better than our ways, even when it feels like we are walking through a dark passageway. Ask Holy Spirit what lies you are believing about Father God, renounce them, and ask to understand the truth. Declare the realities that He shows you, even if you haven’t seen them yet. Forgiving others who have failed to meet your needs is key. Only Father God is perfect. And His perfect love is more than enough to give you all you need. He is waiting to grant you the acceptance and love you have longed for.

I leave you with a prayer captured in the verse Romans 15:13 ( NKJV) Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.